I’d completely forgotten about this blog (well not completely, guilt will get you that way), but I had 2 little reminders today about it. One was a comment from a reader (Hi reader!) which prompted me to see if I could remember my login details, which I guess I do.
The other was an IRL aquaintance (the owner of my local cafe) confiding in me that after trying for 2 1/2 years with bad endo, she was finally seeing a fertility specialist to discuss IVF – co-incidently we think, the same FS who was responsible for transferring Lady G.
She had lots of questions for me, the most importantly of which was how to begin to have the discussion about going through treatment with friends and family who (and you all know this!) respond with platitudes of “just relax”, or even more helpfully, “I get pregnant at the drop of a hat!”.
I’d been very open about our treatment at the time, but haven’t talked about it much since. But I see now how helpful it was for me to be open about it, because it’s a way of passing it forward, to the next couple who think that they are the only ones going through this, with no-one who will understand.
I’ve suggested we catch up and talk more when she is ready, and in the meantime start where I started, by following some online journeys to realise she really isn’t alone. Now excuse me, but I have some blog-reading to catch up on!
We got The Bee a little kitchen for her birthday, and she is OBSESSED with it to the point that I can hear her calling this from behind her closed bedroom door each afternoon when she wakes from her nap. She will literally spend 5 hours a day putting things in the oven and taking them out, while we get fed on pizza, eggs and toast throughout the day. Most excellent present, and I am feeling rather chuffed with myself, seeing how much pleasure she’s getting from it, and how much it’s firing her imagination.
We went out today to spend her Nonnis’ birthday money on some additional items for it, only to discover that it would be twice the price of buying them on Amazon, even considering shipping. So Lady G will have to wait, but she has some very exciting gifties winging their way from the US:
I have plans to make some more things out of felt when I get the chance – wouldn’t some ravioli be awesome? – to complement the felt fruit and vegetables from Ikea that she’s had knocking around for a while.
I read this post, Do you need a victory baby? over on Rookie Moms, and it struck a bit of a chord for me. For instance, I remember last time (the day before going into labour) being told that we might have to schedule an induction, and how much of a letdown that felt to me.
Because we had so much help getting both G and Io installed in the first place, it really does seem important to me to that my ‘victory baby’ comes in the form of a) the baby’s gender being unknown until I can see for myself (a little mystery in the process, please!), and b) a natural labour (no induction, drugs or c-section) – where my body shows it really can get this baby thing done.
And really, when it comes down to it, the victory baby really should just mean carrying a happy healthy baby to term, regardless of how it gets out. I’m mindful that while my successful birth last time should mean I have a reasonable chance of achieving what I want this time, nothing is a given, and I need to prepare for it not to feel like a failure should I need that final little bit of help over the finishing line.
Week 32, and having worried me by being breech over the last 2 weeks, Io seems to have settled head down bum up, so looks like we are go for a natural delivery (my Ob automatically c-sections all breech babies, which I was keen to avoid).
So in the expectation that this is now going to happen, I’ve been researching TENS machines as a source of non-pharmacological pain relief during labour. Last time, I found it most comforting to be under the shower; the combination of warmth and the sensation of all the droplets really got me through the worst bits of active labour, and I was interested to see if the TENS machine could achieve the same thing. (We ended up running out of hot water last time, and having not clicked that I could simply put the plug to run a bath in I got quite distressed at the thought of having to get out!)
But, opinion seems divided about whether it will be helpful or not, and I’m still undecided whether to spend the $70-80 or not. From what I’ve read it can be helpful in early labour (but I managed though that quite easily, with breathing techniques, hypnobirthing and heat packs), but less so in advanced labour which is when I would be looking for a little extra boost. Much of the benefit seems like it’s purely psychosomatic – the perception of pain being less, rather than it actually delivering pain relief. Still, I guess that doesn’t sound too bad? Interested in the thoughts of anyone else who’s used one. My cousin in Holland has recommended it and say they are quite popular in The Netherlands where home birth is common (like last time, I hope to labour at home as long as possible before fronting up at the hospital for the Ob to play catch).
The Bee had her 2 year checkup today; stats are 10.1kg, and 81.5cm tall. Going by the old myth that you double their age at 2 to find out what their adult height will be, she should expect to reach a grand height of 163cm, exactly the same as me. I think I will have to save all my designer heels for her, as she will both need, and be able to use them! And of course, now I have an additional reason to invest…
Lady G had her first major accident last night – fell over and chipped and loosened her front teeth on the bath while having her shower, so she’s looks like a Gelfling from The Dark Crystal this morning (poor Duckface!), and we’re on a month-long wait to see if she’s going to lose the teeth entirely, or whether they will manage to hold on in there.
The emergency dentist last night (and some pedi-dentist links from the web) suggest that baby teeth handle this sort of trauma better than permanent teeth, but it’s still a worry given her permanent teeth won’t come in for another 4-5 years – that’s a long time without them in terms of eating and speaking, let alone the cosmetic impact. So we wait and see, and meantime she’s on a diet of soft food for the next few days until her gums firm up enough to keep her teeth in place.
I can’t get over the feeling of how fragile she is this morning. Other than feeling like her mouth is ‘stuck’ she seems unaware and is charging around eating and dancing and running as normal, while I’m finding it really hard not to want to be following around with a large mattress in case she tips over again.
I have to confess I’m angry with The Baron as he was on watch and had turned to get a towel – I know it could have very easily been me and it’s an accident and all, but I just want to be mad at someone! This is probably just the first of many broken bones and scars to follow for both kids, and he’s feeling horribly guilty and I don’t mean to blame him, I’m sure it’s just stress about what will happen to her over the next few weeks.
Mad pregnancy hormones though – I held it together while comforting her and managing to find an emergency dentist at 8pm on a Sat night, getting there and all through her checkup, and then lost it in the car ride on the way home.
Whereas The Bee was cool as a cucumber once she got over the initial pain, and was quite happy chatting to the registrar about how Daddy was parking the car, and singing Turkle Turkle Little Star in the back seat to and from.
We had a fun week recently when Lady G’s 7 month old cousin Pugs came for a visit. Just learning to crawl and having a whale of a time with baby led weaning, The Bee found her endlessly fascinating and even now, a few weeks later we often have a conversation about whether Pugs is hungry, sleeping or where she is.
It seems her legacy left an impact on G’s sleep as well – for almost 2 weeks she refused to settle to sleep easily, requiring up to an hour and a half settling – combined with a new penchance for ‘encores’ (more milk, want to be changed, Mummy cuddle, pee in toilet) I was beginning to feel a little out of my depth. In talking about it with other mums, seems as if this is not uncommon around about 2 years, which is only slightly reassuring.
So, back to the beginning – we returned to the routine of settling we did at around 7 months from Sleep Right Sleep Tight, only with the 12mo+ modifications around spending less time in the room (30s -1 min rather than up to 10). Within 3 days we seem to be back to normal which is a real relief! With 10 weeks to go until the baby arrives, I need all the sleep and peace I can get.
In case you haven’t come across Redbook’s Truth about Trying campaign, it includes a set of videos from celebrities and other people talking about their own infertility experience – the intent being to remove any shame someone might feel. Personally shame was never an emotion I felt about our experience but I found it really valuable to feel part of a community, so I appreciate that part of their campaign.