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My secret victory dance

February 20, 2010

I recall reading a report last year that parents are statistically less happy than non-parents, both during the years they raise kids, and once they’ve left home.  I’ve been pondering that as I sit in the dim light of 4am feeding my daughter, while my heart feeds off her.  Even during the first few days when I had no clue what to do with the spud in the portacrib, even with my self-image in disarray, even when she screams her discontent at any one of a number of things I might be doing wrong – I know I’m happier than I was before she came along.

Do you think this is because she’s the result of a hard won battle?  Do all IVF parents share a secret victory dance that keeps them positive?  Or is it just the hormones talking?  🙂

Certainly, when we first discovered that we would need IVF to conceive, we had long talks about why exactly it was that we wanted children,  knowing that if we chose treatment and were not successful we would need to find other ways to have those needs fulfiled.  Not that these might be different to parents who conceive naturally, but that level of introspection is more than likely to be a consequence of the treatment rather than not.  We knew that the life we would have without kids would be very different – probably filled with lots of cats, travel and spoilt nephews and nieces.

But in the end we did choose this life, and her, and I’m hoping that that may help us beat the odds.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. pandabox33 permalink
    February 22, 2010 10:03 am

    Love, love, loooove !!

  2. February 22, 2010 12:18 pm

    when you consider that half of all pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned, i think that there is a difference in the level of happiness between those who do and do not have IF battles. everyone who has a child they had to really work to get has to put some real thought into the process. i am not saying that those who do not deal with IF do not put thought into family building, just that the depth of the discussion are often not there.

    happiness for most is highly correlated with a perceived sense of choice in life. children limit our choices, but for some that is the best limit that can be imagined. enjoy your precious daughter.


  3. February 22, 2010 1:25 pm

    I certainly hope so! I think the fight to have our child makes it all the more sweet. 🙂


  4. February 22, 2010 4:07 pm

    I think one big difference is that people who have had to deal with infertility have had to really think about why they want to have children and what they are willing to do to reach that goal. So many people jump in blindly or by accident and have no clue what they are getting into. I also think that the struggles we go through to get our babies here makes us much more willing and able to roll with the punches.

    Congrats on your little one.


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