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Not on the team

March 2, 2010

I realised last night, that despite what I might think, the pain of IF never really goes, and the scab can be rubbed off at the slightest negative comment.

When we were going through treatment, I was very open with all of my family, but The Baron only told his mother.  So last night he told his Dad (Nonno) that Lady G was the result of IVF.  Now, since this was in Italian I only got the gist of the conversation and he wouldn’t really share more this morning, but Nonno appeared to make light of the situation, and almost mock us for needing the treatment.  I don’t think it was intended to hurt us, but I could see The Baron getting upset and asking Nonno to drop the subject repeatedly.

I fumed about this all night, but have tried to see it from his perspective.  He lives on the other side of the world – and was not privy to our months of fruitless trying, the difficult decision to go through ICSI (The Baron was so upset it was MF infertility he initially refused to participate), and the process itself.  It’s very hard for me to expect him to be ‘on the team’ now, when he wasn’t then.  And his exposure to IF is nil – in fact, as he kept on saying rather callously to The Baron – “your brother only had to look at his wife to get her pregnant 3 times”.

Deep breath.  But, taking away the positive view, I was so pleased with The Baron for his honesty in talking about it with his dad.  I suspect the ‘blame’ initially fell upon me, because at one point he took great care to point out to his dad that the major reason for our inability to conceive lay with him, not me.  That is such a change from his initial reaction, and I am so proud of his maturity in dealing with a situation that for many men is at the heart of their self-image.  He’s going to be a great dad.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Nine permalink
    March 2, 2010 8:41 pm

    I sooooo don’t understand this attitude. Does he wear glasses? Have fillings? Ever had surgery? That’s what science and medicine have done for him, so get the baron to tease
    him for being a blind soft toothed appendixless weakling. Then go give your miracle a hug from her adoring auntie.

  2. katery permalink
    March 4, 2010 4:34 am

    it’s unfortunate that you had to go through that. i think some people just don’t understand and are so uncomfortable with the subject that they make light of it because they don’t know what else to do. hopefully it doesn’t come up again.

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