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The right words

July 2, 2010

I went to a work dinner last night, and I surprised myself by having a good time, despite of, or perhaps because of the rough nights we’ve been having .  This is positive news, since I’m just starting the mental processing about going back to work and leaving Lady G.  It’s going to be OK.  I miss the people I work with, and while I’m going to miss her too, I think this will be the right thing for me.

I asked someone I met the other day when they know they have the balance right between work and babies.  She said you know you’re in about the right space when you’re at work and feel you’d like to do a little more of that, and then you go home and want to be there more too.  While that sounds kind of contradiction (not getting enough of either thing), I think I know what she means, and I guess the challenge is going to be working out how to get that balance, hopefully with the support of my work and a wonderful nanny.

The only uncomfortable bit of the evening was when one of the other new mums and I (there were 5 out of 26 in the team pregnant at the same time) were seated in front of one of the other 5 – the one who lost her baby at 20 weeks.  The others around us were excited to see us and were asking questions about our babies, but I still just can’t get over the feelings of guilt that I have in talking about Lady G in front of her.

I know that logically speaking my living girl has nothing to do with the son she lost, but she’s still so raw that I worry constantly that I’m a painful reminder.  I guess I probably am – along with just about everything she sees around her all day.  I know she gets upset that he’s been ‘forgotten’ by those she works with so I make a point of checking in with her and asking how she’s doing – but is this the wrong thing to do?  I’m really bad with grief sometimes.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 2, 2010 10:10 pm

    I deal with mainly animal grief, but I know that everyone handles it differently. Some like to talk about their loss, and appreciate the fact that you acknowledge it, and validate it. Others just want to be able to put on a brave face, and only share it with nearest and dearest.
    I think in her situation I would appreciate people remembering that I might still be in pain, even if I chose not to discuss it further with them.

  2. July 3, 2010 10:01 am

    I dont think it is bad; I think it is sweet that you are talking to her about it. She probably feels very alone and out of place.

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