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Not tempting fate

March 4, 2009

Well things have been quiet in the Barreness’s castle over the past few days now that the news has had a chance to settle down a little. It’s been weird though – the initial excitement has been tempered by the fact that we don’t know at this point whether Peanut is going to stick in it’s jam sandwich.

I woke up the other night with rip roaring cramps – the real ones I remember from the start of my period, and I convinced myself for several minutes, lying there in the dark, that it was all over rover. A quick trip to the bathroom revealed it was nothing at all (except a 4am freakout). But it means that we are waiting on tenterhooks for the second blood test this Friday.

This should hopefully demonstrate that my hCG levels have been doubling like they should – if not, it’s a significant indication that this pregnancy may only be temporary.

I read somewhere that IVF couples never truely get over the feeling that something is going to go wrong. Perhaps, after having come to terms with the fact that the deck is stacked against you, and that you need a little help, you can never really get used to the odds being in your favour. So we dread blood results, prepare for an empty screen at an ultrasound, and worry that every person we tell our happy news to, is another strike against this all working out.

The Baron got a call from his brother in Italy today – he and his wife are expecting their 3rd child (conceived first time around, naturally!) in November as well. We’re obviously very happy for them – and yet I am kind of jealous that they are so confident of an outcome that they are happy to share their news. We’ve only told those who were on the IVF journey with us – I couldn’t even admit it to my yoga instructor today when she asked if there were any pregnant people in the class, for fear of assuming too much.

Fingers crossed for a good result on Friday, which should hopefully allay some of my worries.

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